I much as i love you, you are not my keeper.

I've perfected packing my backpack. It took 3 bags, 2 years and finally the ended drought, I have conquered my backpack.. now i wear it instead of it wearing me. haha
these are the specs. 42 Liter bag, 1.2Kg Sleeping bag, 2.2Kg Tent,
bed roll.. (weighs nothing) 2 pair o bells.
2 pair o shorts. 4 sox. 2 long sleeves,
1 thermo shirt, 1 pair of long johns (my babies ;)
2 t-shirts, 2 boxers... and 2 toques
also known as a winter hat???? toque is better ;)
and the piece de resistance -=(1 pair of 'BIG PURPLE WATERPROOF PANTS')=-
in all, my bag wieghs...???.... um... you figure it out.;) light.. it's just light. I walked around mtl with it for 4 hours and i lived to tell the tale with energy to spare.. i'm so proud...

" I, ah, I'd like to thank the academy, ahh..... i had a whole list written for this but Tom Hanks and I were wrestling outside and we lost it in the rain haha! um.. oh I want to thank my lovely wife Claire Danes.. who's energy gives me life.. holly golightly for cqalling me "chickadee", and everyone who worked on this with me, thanksx ;)"
announcer" wow, this is Dario's first award, he's worked for this for years and it's so good to see him get what he deserves..all those days in southern france with a 20kg bag.. lugging around, it's taken time but he's perfected it.. i must say."

The Avaritical Stem

oh ya, the bus ride. i dont need to tell you taht 15hrs each way is tyranny in your body's language.. mine kicked my ass.
especially coming back.. i stopped in mtl to see some friends.. that failed except for an old friend from elemenatry. she's doing well.. an inspiration you could call her. calmed me down form the cloud that everyone is trying to burst. settling has more freedom in it than before.at least where montreal is concerned... feel stable in here like i use too;) as a child of course.
so anyhow, bus.. yeah! it sucked just a little.. and now soon to come is the long haul to calgary.. oh boy. 50hrs ro so.. i'll rip myself apart or.. drink myself to sleep.. we could, mmm.. smoke ourselves to hallucination and watch Canada go by in an hour.?? nahh.. i think I'll just take my time.
anyhow, i stayed in mtl for a day with ash an tehn at 10p took the bus back here... woke up delerious but calm and then i felt sick.. something in my stomach is no happy with me. but i shall live.. i seem to do that.. make me happy. maybe not the foes.. but, fuck them ;)
so I'll see you soon...

There's an intervention of people who want me to stay in Ottawa. though i admit my timing is off for Robert, i do miss home... maybe it's selfish of me but since chilling with ash in mtl i see a little clearer a frightless future that i can build. even without rachel who is off to do her thing. this intevention though only 3 hours long so far.. is driving me to want to leave more. i don't know why?. i know Rob needs me , and its selfish of me to leave so early when one needs you. i've been waiting for this for awhile now.. it's why i gave a longer notice of my departure so tahtall parties would know. it's saddening.

it's been a long time since i'v eseen you, hasn't it?
it's early otday, 4:36P and the M. I'm in Saint John , New Brunswick visiting my father whom I haven't seen in a year and a half. long time huh! I suprised him by showing up several days early and without really saying i was coming down. I was at teh house and bamm.. he shows aup and didn't recognze me at first becaus eof my now long hair. the shock struck him and he had to relax for a good hour ;) he was so happy. as was i.
I don't see him much, we spoke of life and my travels, i gave him soem photos so he can show his friends and have soem updated ones of me as well.(the grade 1 ones are getting old ;)
He looks good, lost a bit o the belly, dresses real sharp, like a 1930's american living in italy. he's beautiful. sophisticated grey hair, taht still holds on to the black in deep patches.
he seems short , 5'"7 i'm 5"11, though he likes to say 6. feeds me like a starved child, i miss his cooking, awww! Italian sausages, ckicken in red sauces everywhere.. ahhhh1 i love it. he feed m elike a king. io have to make excuses, but he just says i haven't bee eating well ;)
he's happy im moving to calgary and edmonton. He's happy i'm heading back to Rachel, see's her as my stability because he knows of his offsprings nomadic love fro life. worries him though, so i find myself adhering to what he asks despite thet fact that i have an agenda for teh future. one i hope stays more intact then my jaunts to Nerw York, i leave here thursday or so, it seem si keep putting it off.
He wants to move to Vancouver, and then Seattle... loves teh West as do i told him i get this nature from him and the moving we did across the country, he smiles.. knowingly.
He's at work right now, makes good money as he says which makes him happy. he knows my detest for it, but also knows more tahn i, that in the end i will need the necessaryevil by which to follow my goals and aspirations. yes, i know. but like all addicts, i don't wish to admit the truth as of yet. money is an necessary evil. but i know that if i can lasso great souls like Holly to traverse this wide wide world and shrink it to our own size, money will become a lower commodity to achieve.. and we can start trading chickens and tilling land...or in loevly case..pick grapes(while drunk) in exchange for brazilian rainforest guides. we'll find our own wolrd and live there... i'll kidnapp her yet.
Well i'm here till thursday and tehn off to ott again to see robert. he hasn't been feeling good, with all the oressure of selling the house. cleaning up isn't done yet and i'm leaveing , he's feeling quite alone.. i know i should stay but he knows i should leave. it's an odd case of resoect he has for my life... he is such a good man, a great man.. with a heart the size of.. well.. name you country. if not ofr him, i would have lead a diffrent life in europes caves. wouldn't i? ahhh but time moves us forward and he sees that.
I miss my mountains and i'll be living ion them soon enough, with Melissa for a month. just us and the mountains.. chilling and singing, getting drunk and swatting teh guys away from her hahaha!
Anyhow, I'll let you go, i'mm going to go sit on the harbour front and watch teh maritime boats pass or stand.
Oh quik side note. i was supposed to go to new york but financially speaking it wasn't advisable. so i ditched it sadly enough.. but decdided on coming here instead so alls well that ends well. love's and bits and pieces.